Hi, greetings and salutations!!

It is with a sad heart that I announce the passing of a beautiful relationship. This is pure symbolism as my friend was an avid Mirage fanatic. Sadly, she decided to go her own way. If she ever reads this-I am happy. Even if she doesn't, I am now at peace with myself for having my little funeral and saying a proper goodbye. I recommend listening to the above song while you read it. It is suppose to go with it. Thanks, all.

This is for you, Mirage.

(I want to note that for those who don't know me-I am a Christian and the only way I could truly get a grip on how much God truly and deeply loved me was for Mirage to gently teach me to compare him to Optimus Prime times ALOT!! That is why he is represented as he is in this eulogy)

I look up at the predawn sky with stars still twinkling brightly, the dawn falling softly after a tumultuous night. I breathe deep of the sweet morning air, savoring the new beginning. I glance around and take several tentative steps forward on my own. I observe Mirage's fallen form and wipe tears from my eyes. I look up at Optimus' bright optics and around at the remaining Autobots and my internet friends, there for my support. Prime nods and steps gallantly back. I kneel down and run my hands over the dear face that comforted me in times of stress and pain and cheered for me in times of joy. I grab a servo that wiped tears from my eyes on so many occasions and reached around to hold me in tender hugs so many times-that I took for granted would always be there. I finally reach out and touch the location of the cold spark chamber. So warm at one time now a dark and empty tomb of nothingness. The spirit of my beloved is no longer there, this I know.

So many memories in such a short amount of time!! Thoughts of how we first met and the gentle understanding you stood for, even then. An awesome sense of humbleness fills the chasm that was my empty beating heart. I WAS ALLOWED TO KNOW THIS MECH, AND BE A PART OF HER LIFE!! WOW!! The sadness still lingers deeply, and probably will for some time but the awesomeness fills my heart for what was. Very few people get the chance to know something great, and those that realize it at the time, even fewer. I bow my head with the forlorn thought that I was not one of those people to appreciate what they had when they had it. The great thing about life, however is the ability to change and adapt, so looking at my beloveds face tenderly, and holding the dear servo as a talisman I look to the sky and silently vow to be better then before. To make those around me know without words that they are so important and vital to my life and soul.

Placing the servo gently to rest on the chest, I reach over and place one last, lingering kiss on your precious cheek, wetting it slightly with my tears. Oh, the regrets and heartache are almost overwhelming and my knees begin to buckle as the pain is almost too much to bear. Prime quickly reaches over and gives me the support I desperately seek, there for me-as He ever is-in my darkest hour of need. Eyes widening, I feel the gentle love and support simply poor forth from Him and I find I am able to continue despite the tearing pain in my heart. I know I am never alone with Him there beside me, He will lead me down paths I dread to take, to bring me out unscathed. My mind flits to Isa 12:2 "Look, God is my deliverer! I will trust in him and not fear. For the Lord gives me strength and protects me; he has become my deliverer,” as I look at Prime, I know this is true. "He will never leave me nor forsake me"(Heb 13:5) He smiles down his encouragement and holds me steady until I am able to make it on my own. I can not begin to express my my love for Him so the love I have in my heart shines through my eyes, expressing what I am unable to in mere words.

I step forward slowly, hands clasped over my heart and head down, towards the group in the slight chill of morning air. My feet skimming the dew covered ground slowly and determinedly, pausing in front of the assembled bunch. I clear my throat and speak softly yet clearly.

"But they that wait upon the LORD
shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings as EAGLES
they shall run, and not be weary;
and they shall walk, and not faint"
Isaiah 40:31

"We are here today to bid farewell to a dear friend and close friendship that will be missed from the very core of our sparks. We know that friends like this come so infrequently that we want to cling to them and not let them leave, to beg them to stay, but loves power gives us the strength and the courage to let go. To let them leave when it is time to say goodbye and give them the wings they deserve. To let them fly into the boundless sky-where the gentle breeze reminds us of them as it brushes against us. It is not for us to demand and put our wants and desires ahead of those we hold dear. No," I look down towards the ground in guilt for my part in this tragedy, "no-it is our job to set the ones we love free and have the faith to know God has them in his palm when they are not in our lives. It is with this knowledge, I at least go forth with. Yes, I am deeply sadden with the loss of Mirage and our love and relationship. But, the one thing I have come to realize is that I have a new chance, that I can change-with the grace and style she had the ability to exude. I can be better and yes, I can heal. She might be gone but her love that she passed to me remains. I will take those embers and carry them with me and turn them into flames. I will arise like a phoenix from the ashes of my pain to be the creature I am meant to me." I look at the gentle body of my sweet love and wipe tears from my eyes. "Your death will not be in vain and though I may not have you-if I am lucky maybe, just maybe, I can find someone similar to you and your love. I will never forget the way your coming online lit up my day, or the way a word from you could make my bad day better. Your laugh, the smile in your voice and all the uniqueness that was you. It will be sorely missed, my beloved. YOU will be missed." Here I paused and took a breath and listened to the whisper of the wind before continuing, looking at the crowd around me.

"My regrets are many(if only I had gone to the hospital the night before as you requested, if only I hadn't emailed you that night. If only I had truly made you realize the value of your love in my life) but regrets will not bring you back. Regrets can only hold me down and back. That is not what you would have wanted of me. No, instead I will press upward and onward, just like you. I will not listen to the Megatron in my mind and let it terrorize the dark nights that may lie ahead. NO! A MILLION TIMES NO! 'Greater is He that is in me then he that is in the world'(1 John 4:4) So, I walk boldly forward with my fellow Autobots and the acquaintances I have around me. I will look back for a time with sorrow and pain and work on my regret but soon I will find the peace that I seek and pray that you will too. Our journey together has come to an end, Mirage, my love. But my journey forward continues. I will battle bravely with your gentle spirit to guide me and the wisdom you gave me will guide my steps." I looked at the dear faces that surround me, and continue :

"So, in closing-I bid you adieu, Mirage. Your kindness, your generosity and gentle spirit will live on through me. It is a hard ped to fill, but know that I will try my hardest to be just like you when I grow up. It is with love and the faith that you gave me that I move forward from here. I will remember you dearly on my wedding day and say a prayer for you then, too." I give a small private smile through my tears, as I walk to a cage, which Ironhide holds ready for me. I reach into the cage and pull out a beautiful, cooing, white dove. I gently brush the top of the silky, soft head and look at those around me and nod while tears continue to fall unashamedly down my face in a healing flood.

"I love you, Mirage!! I always will!! You made me stronger then you may think you know. You were my dearest love, my best friend and my mentor. I can't take back not going to the hospital when you asked but I did last night. I got the help I desperately needed. Thank you, my love!" I cradle the cooing bird gently and looked to the sky and at Prime.

"Meet me at my mansion when my turn comes, ok? My cats and grandma and dad and grandpa will show you where. Wait for me, if you will. I will come when my chores here are through. I love you, Mirage!! Forever and beyond my 51 vorns-forever and beyond. I am sorry I didn't tell you my dads death anniversary was one of the things that had me suicidal too, baby. I should have told you Nov 20 is sometimes not an easy day for me. I wish...." I am unable to continue through the brokenness of my heart. I turn towards Prime and give a wobbly smile through my heavy tears and look into his gentle optics. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"(Philippians 4:13)." I choke out, sadly.

This bird symbolizes you and our love, Mirage. I hereby set you free. Fly among the stars as you deserve and remember me fondly. Let the wind be your guide and soar lightly as the breeze. I love you sooooooooooooo much! Good bye, my love! I will NEVER forget you. I take the bird and toss her gently into the air where she coos softly once more and ascends to the heavens, free at last among the clouds, where she belongs.



Transform and Roll Out!!
Crossfire120576 aka
Jaime